In Sickness And In Health

This past Saturday, our good friend Katie married Clay here in Lexington. While sitting among the other guests I will be honest, my mind wandered and drifted and thought about the trials of the week: Matty being sent to the hospital after going into cardiac arrest. What brought me back into attention and focus however were the specific exchange of vows, "in sickness and in health". I thought about Matty an hour south, at Roanoke Memorial Hospital resting before his surgeries that would begin on Monday. I thought about the span of my friendship with him, and I retraced every random road trip, inside joke, meal shared, and phase of life we have partnered in friendship to conquer. I then thought of Tex, the story of my friendship with him, how someone can mean so much after only two years of friendship, and how with Matt the three of us have created family with real support, laughter, and intimacy. Somehow those two boys mean more to me then most relationships I have had in my life, and have lent more to my growth in Christ and maturation as an adult then I often consider. 

Among a church full of guests, my mind did not daydream in typical fashion about my future wedding, or my future spouse... or anything about my future that I do not know. I thought of my present. 

I thought of Matthew Hypes, and Andrew Piper. 

And in those thoughts, my heart was full. 

I wrote an email today sort of updating those I had been in contact with in the process of Matty's hospitalization and progress. I hadn't written in a few days, and with Matt home I knew that it was sort of the last email of thanks and appreciation for the support felt in the week. I titled the email "Love.", it seemed fitting as I sat in the leather chair that resides comfortably on Houston Street at the boys house, and could only smile in deep satisfaction of how everything about watching the Food Network with Matt felt normal, routine, and typical. In passing moments I'd look over and notice his arm in a sling, and then I would piece together all the reasons why that was there. I'd remember the past week, the fear of the phone call I received last Wednesday from Tex saying that Matty was being flown to Roanoke after going into cardiac arrest. I remember the ventilator, the lack of memory, the awareness as he processed what happened, the Friday night when I finally realized how I hadn't yet allowed myself the emotional freedom to let go... There are layers I am still making sense of, and feelings that are still being resolved in the wake of the trauma. Thankfully, by all accounts and observations, Matt is as normal as can be. It is miraculous.

I have often said that Matt and Tex are like family. We are not typically understood by those who know us... there have speculations and judgements in the past two years. I honestly don't know how we function as well as we do, and by that, I mean, I don't know how Matt can spend as much time with Tex and I as he does without wanting to kill us (perhaps, this is where the refuge of "the roof" comes in). The truth is, when you look closer you will see what I see... and that is the ability of laughter that comes from the place of true vulnerability, when your friends can make you laugh at yourself in a way that would be offensive per suggestion of anyone else. You will hear the banter between "siblings" who can complete thoughts and sentences ranging in significance. You will see in the midst of my meltdowns, two faithful men hang onto every word, wait for the thoughts to make sense, and comfort each tear as it drops. 

Looking in you will see a set of three connected souls who do not have a marital vow expressed between them to promise 'in sickness and health', or a blood line that relates them genetically. But... you will see two boys that I would do absolutely anything for, and as I prepare for my future and where that will take me with the reality they will not be with me, my heart is deeply saddened at their physical absence but my heart encouraged because I am better because of them. I am challenged beyond myself to become she who waits patiently in the wings. I am promised from one, the stars and the moon... and the other, a lifetime of 'smooches' at the end of every thoughtful email. Their friendships for me have celebrated victories of self, offered unconditional support in adventures abroad, and for all has created a place of rest in each other's company that always feels like home. 

We are blessed. We have loved, laughed, fought, hit, tickled, traveled, cried, shared, and screamed together. With the welcoming of Matt home from a week of hospitalization, I know that I have seen clearly the bond between us deepen, and have appreciated the lengths we will go to for another, the sharing of support, and the unspoken understanding- we're in this together... come rain or shine... in good times and in bad... in sickness and in health. 

That. Is Love.